Thursday, September 30, 2010


Howdy! Sorry for the long period you had to survive without a blog to read (at least one written by me). I know the wait must have been unbearable. Anyway, I am back to let you know, as the title may suggest, that I am still very much alive.

"What have I been up to?" you might have asked. Well Mr. Smart Mouth, I have been writing blogs. "How could this be? I haven't seen or read your blogs on here for millions of years, possibly more." Well, I have been ghost writing blogs for my dog, Angel Zoom Smokey, on Maybe I shouldn't say "ghost writing" since it's more like "dog writing". Anyway, I've been writing on that site for a couple of months. You should check out Angel's blogs. They are filled with my trademark humor, though, I'm not sure that is such a good thing.

Well, I better be going. I will try to keep you more up to date in the future. Thank you for stopping by and I hope you all have a good day! :)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Congratulations Andrew Garfield aka Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Hello all you friendly neighborhood Spider-Men and Spider-Women! I'm back with a brand new blog post! As you can tell from the photo, today's blog is about Spider-Man! Yah! Also, I picked this photo because if you pay close attention and imagine Green Goblin is Sony's CEO, you will have an idea of what Sony/Green Goblin is doing to the Spider-Man franchise as we speak. Let's just say Spider-Man isn't too happy that Green Goblin didn't bring any KY jelly with him during this franchise talk.

If you couldn't tell, I hate this whole reboot craze in Hollywood. Spider-Man isn't even a ten year old movie and Sony is already rebooting it despite the fact that the film has spawned two highly successful sequels and the franchise as a whole has made more than a billion dollars worldwide. Why the rush to reboot it? Well, to save money of course! Sony figures that they can make a reboot at a fraction of the cost of a sequel and slap the new "Spider-Man" on it and everyone will still rush to see it. Maybe I'm wrong, but I smell a major bomb on Sony's hands.

Regardless of how much I hate the concept of a reboot, I would like to congratulate Andrew Garfield, the actor chosen to play the new Spider-Man. The guy has his work cut out for him so my hat's off to him. He seems like a good choice to play Peter Parker. Judging from his last name, my guess is that his dream job was to play Garfield the cat and since that is never going to happen (since he is sadly not a cat), he had to settle for Spider-Man. Also, judging from his long neck, I would say that he might be part giraffe, which makes him part alright in my book. :-P Nah, joking aside, I wish the guy luck.

I hope you enjoyed the blog today! I also hope you have a wonderful day! Till next time...

Oh the Horror!!!

Hello again everyone! I'm back with a brand new blog! Stop crying! I promise it's not that bad this time. I think you might even chuckle a little this time.
Anyway, as a huge movie buff, let me tell you that I am not a fan of most horror movies. First of all, I don't find most of them to be all that frightening. If I want to watch something scary, I'll watch one of Larry the Cable Guy's films. If "Delta Farce" doesn't scare the piss out of you, nothing will. Second of all, I find the main characters of most horror movies to be incredibly boring. Sure, there are a few exceptions, but for the most part these unstoppable antagonists are just not interesting and only seem to kill because...well...that's what horror villains do. Some of these horror franchises have tried to tell the "origin" of these famous monsters through various prequels and/or reboots, but none of these origin stories have really sold me. Rob Zombie's "Halloween" was alright, but not great. I have heard (but haven't seen for myself) that the remakes of "Friday the 13th" and "A Nightmare on Elm Street" were far worse than Rob Zombie's "Halloween", which is not something to be proud of.
This has led me to wonder, could I write a worthy origin story to one of these horror franchises? I don't like to be one of those kinds of people who criticize other people's work without creating something special myself. Which franchise should I pick to work on? If you couldn't tell by the photo, I am going to go with the "Friday the 13th" franchise. I hope you enjoy the Jeffrey Stansberry version of the origin of Jason Voorhees! Here is the synopsis:
"Jason Voorhees was the typical seven foot tall, mute, and deformed six year old living the all American dream with his mother, Pamela Voorhees. Pamela Voorhees was the typical cook, psycho, killer, and single mother also living the American dream. Fate changed their lives forever when Pamela Voorhees accepted her dream job of becoming a cook earning minimum wage at Camp Crystal Lake. Naturally, Jason Voorhees was thrilled at the prospect of playing ice hockey with the other seven foot tall, mute, and deformed kids at Camp Crystal Lake. Unfortunately for poor little seven foot tall Jason, all the other children at Camp Crystal Lake were tiny and too delicate to play ice hockey with him (some of the other six year old children were barely over six feet tall). With his mother busy preparing her world famous lard Hot Pockets for the lucky campers and no other seven foot tall children around to play with, Jason Voorhees decided to forget about his hobby of hockey and focus on his dreams of ice tap dancing, a new spin on ice skating. On a cold and stormy night, Jason Voorhees decided to sneak out of his cabin and practice ice tap dancing on Crystal Lake. Tragically, due to his height, weight and the fact that the lake was not even frozen because it was summer, Jason Voorhees drowned to death. Pamela Voorhees blamed herself for Jason's drowning and wondered to herself if her son might still be alive if he had only worn his hockey mask. With that thought alone, Pamela Voorhees made it clear to the world that she wasn't Albert Einstein, or even Forrest Gump for that matter. Still, her love for her son and her lust for human blood drove her mad. Pamela Voorhees attacked and tried to murder everyone she felt was connected to her son's death, starting with Kevin Bacon, because as we all know, Kevin Bacon is connected to everyone in Hollywood through six degrees or less. Plus, Kevin Bacon was a camp counselor, and Pamela Voorhees didn't often see eye to eye with any form of counselor. She did see knife to back with them many times though. After killing, um, let's say seven camp counselors (because seven is a lucky number), Pamela's bloody rampage was finally ended by camp counselor Alice I. Wonderland. Alice decapitated Pamela, mainly to tell a lame joke. "You keep killing all of my friends and head's will roll b*tch!" was the joke told by Alice. Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom, Jason Voorhees had been resurrected by the magical powers of the lake. As it turns out, Crystal Lake got it's name due to the fact that it was 84% Crystal Pepsi. (Crystal Pepsi tasted so bad, it could literally wake the dead). Waking up at the bottom of the ocean, Jason Voorhees met the mysterious Lady of the Water from the King Arthur stories. The Lady of the Water knighted Jason Voorhees and handed him the magical Excalibur, which for some reason looked exactly like a machete. Sir Jason Voorhees quickly killed the Lady of the Water with Excalibur and headed back to the camp. Before coming ashore, he met a Lady in the Water who looked surprisingly like Bryce Dallas Howard. Jason Voorhees quickly got her autograph and flirted with her a bit before Bryce Dallas Mermaid gave him her digits. After Jason got her phone number, he quickly killed her (what did you expect?) and was extremely happy not only for killing her, but because the autograph in his hand was now worth a lot more on E-Bay. Long story short, Jason Voorhees came back to shore and quickly killed Alice right after seeing her naked. After that, Jason Voorhees collapsed on the ground and started crying. He quietly reflected on his relationship with women and decided to change his life for the better. Jason called his mom up to see how she was doing. As it turns out, Pamela Voorhees' head was enjoying the warm weather of Hell, Michigan and the two made plans to meet in order to reconnect. The film ends with The Beatles' "Let It Be" playing softly in the background as Jason Voorhees watches a cute little kitten clean herself with her paws. The end."
So, yeah, that was my prequel/remake idea. I think it is incredible. I think the ending will leave the audience in tears. Anyway, now that I have shared this masterpiece of an idea, I better head off to bed. have a good night everyone and take care!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Blogging in the Season of Peanut Butter Jelly Time

Hello everyone, do you know what time it is? It's peanut butter jelly time!!! Okay, I got that out of my system and I can move on to the day's real subject, blogging.

Now, I know what you all are thinking, "Jeffrey, you are one of the world's greatest bloggers (if not the best of the best)." Thank you for thinking that even though it is common knowledge. Anyway, a few years ago I probably would have been mad at you for saying that. Why you might ask? You see, back in the good old days, I had no idea what a blog was. I had heard some mumblings and rumors from other members of the rebel alliance, but the Imperial fleet kept a pretty tight lid on the secrets of the blogging world. Luke, Leia, Han, Lando, Chewie, C-3PO, R2-D2, and some furry ewoks helped blokes like me finally discover the blogging world by blowing up the second Death Star. Wait...that was "Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi". Ewoks aside, that was a great movie! :) Anyway...oh yeah! A few years ago I had no idea what blogging was. To me, even now, blogging sounds like something someone would do for you for about $25 in the parking lot of a White Castle. I think you know what I mean, and if you don't, good for you! :) To be fair, the same could be said for Twitter. "I just looked up your twitter information" just does not, and never will, sound right. That's just me though.

Do I enjoy writing a blog now? Sure...I don't mind. It's actually kind of fun at times. My biggest problem is coming up with subjects, hence the blog about blogging. lol :-P Seriously though, it's a fun way to express myself while giving the world a taste of my insanity! What a delight for you!!! :-P

Well, I better be heading off to bed. Take care cruel Internet world. I look forward to reading more hateful comments on you tomorrow! Seriously, good night and thank you for reading my blog. :)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Batman vs. Superman: I Know Who I'm Betting On!

I wish I could sleep. I'm not sure why, but I just can not sleep tonight. The worst part is, I know that when I finally do get some sleep, I'll have to wake up before I'll want to wake up. Oh well, I guess there are worse fates out there and luckily for you loyal readers, I'm up to write! Yah!

My first thought today is on the subject of light bulbs. I have bought a ton of these bad boys to place on top of my head and I have yet to get a genius idea. I've tried and tried and tried. I can't even get the bulbs to light up like they do in the cartoons! Oh well, that's what I get for buying Acme bulbs I guess. :-P

Secondly, why does everyone wonder who would win in a fight between Superman and Batman? Superman would clearly wipe the floor with Batman in about two seconds flat. Now don't get me wrong, I like Batman. What's not to like about a forty-something year old guy who runs around in tights and lives with a teenage boy who isn't his son named Dick? Wait a know, if Batman had bat nipples on his costume, I'd seriously wonder about which league the Dark Knight plays for if you get my drift. Oh no...I just remembered "Batman & Robin"! Seriously though, was I the only who felt that "Batman & Robin" got more of it's source material from "The Ambiguously Gay Duo" than it did from Batman comics? Anyway, back to my point, I have heard several charming theories involving how Batman could actually win in a fight against Superman. One theory, that Batman would fight dirty against Superman and use kryptonite, isn't beyond belief at all. The problem I have with this theory is that all Superman would have to do is fly like a mile up in the air, far away from the kryptonite, and melt the Batman with his laser eyes. I'm just saying that it seems like a pretty one sided fight even if you like the Caped Crusader better than the Man of Steel.
Well, this was a pointless blog so I better try and get some sleep. lol Take care everyone and be safe!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Comic Con, Purple Rose, Gentle Giants, Lost, and Entertainment Weekly

Hello again everyone! It's me, your friendly neighborhood...wait, I'm not Spider-Man! Sorry for misleading you, I'm actually just a guy named Jeff (or the Jeffster to my imaginary friends). I hope all my readers have enjoyed my past couple of posts, I know the voices in my head did! I'm just joking of course, the voices in my head don't actually care much for my work. :-P

A couple of weeks ago I went to the Motor City Comic Con and had a very nice time. I got to meet Marina Sirtis who played Deanna Troi in "Star Trek: The Next Generation", "Star Trek: Generations", "Star Trek: First Contact", "Star Trek: Insurrection", and "Star Trek: Nemesis". She was very nice and extremely kind. I also got a chance to meet Byron Cherry who played the "replacement Duke" Coy Duke on "The Dukes of Hazzard". He was also very nice and seemed like a very down to Earth guy, which is always nice. Being the movie lover I am, I also picked up some free mini movie posters and other such things there at the con. I had a very nice time and I look forward to going there next year (short of something happening, which in my case, is always possible). lol The only disappointment I had was not being able to get an autograph from Adam West because he wanted $60 and I didn't have much money this year. I've met Burt Ward and Julie Newmar before. Burt Ward is a very caring and loving dog person. He runs a dog rescue, Gentle Giants Rescue and Adoption, which is aimed at helping and finding homes for giant breed dogs such as Great Danes, but it also handles some smaller breed dogs as well. If you love larger breed dogs, be sure to check out his website, which is If you ever have the pleasure of meeting him and you love dogs, be sure to let him know how much you appreciate what he and his wife do.

Also, like many of you out there in cyberspace, I got a chance to catch the final episode of the ABC hit show "Lost". Now, without going into spoilers, this is an episode that seems to have really divided people. People seem to love it or hate it. I personally liked the episode a great deal and I'm not ashamed to say that the ending had me in tears. I may be a man, but that was some mighty fine writing and acting! Yes, there were some questions that never got answered, and that did annoy me a bit, but "Lost" has always been more about the journey than the destination. I think, for better or worse, the writers may have wanted some questions left unanswered because that happens in life as well. It might have been nice if "Lost" had given us every single answer to every single question we had, but perhaps it is better this way. Some of the remaining mysteries are still left up to the fans and viewers to think about and interpret. Plus, in the case of "Lost", I watched the show more for the characters than for the mysteries anyway. The final episode was such a touching send off for the characters that I am not sure I would have wanted it any other way. So, while I admit the ending wasn't perfect, it's also hard to find an ending that is. That's all I have to say on that matter.

I would also like to take this time to address Michigan's Purple Rose Theater Company. If you live in or around Chelsea, Michigan (or if you go on a trip near there sometime soon), be sure to check out a show at the Purple Rose Theater. The Purple Rose Theater was founded in 1991 by Chelsea native Jeff Daniels and the Purple Rose Theater has become a second home to tons of local talent. Tickets range in price from $25-$38 a person. Also, if you can't afford the tickets (I know it's hard in this economy) or if you live too far away, you can rent or buy two films by Purple Rose Productions, "Escanaba in da Moonlight" and "Super Sucker" which are both available on DVD. Amazon has both films for $9.99 each.

Okay, I would also like to address something that has bothered me quite a bit over the last couple of days, the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly. Entertainment Weekly had a special double issue this week dedicated to the 100 greatest characters of the last 20 years. I could understand a lot of their choices. Dexter Morgan, Homer Simpson, Captain Jack Sparrow, John Locke, The Joker, Tony Stark/Iron Man, Gollum, Stewie Griffin, Borat, and Kara "Starbuck" Thrace are all great characters featured in movies, television, or books over the last 20 years, I have no bone to pick with them on those choices. What I am upset over is the characters they overlooked. Why no love for Indiana Jones? He was in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull". Even the people who hated that movie still enjoyed seeing Harrison Ford again grace the screen as Indy. Why no Clark Kent/Superman? Superman has his own comic series for starters. Superman was also been the main character of the blockbuster film "Superman Returns" and the CW series "Smallville", not to mention the popular "Superman: The Animated Series". Do I even need to go into the hugely popular "Death of Superman" comic arc in 1992? Also, why can only one character from a series be one of the greatest characters ever? Why can't Bruce Wayne/Batman make the list just because The Joker made the list? Batman, like Superman, has his own comic book series. Also, like Superman, he has been featured in blockbuster films such as "Batman Returns", "Batman Forever", "Batman & Robin", "Batman Begins", and "The Dark Knight" in addition to "Batman: The Animated Series" television show. In addition to leaving characters such as Clark Kent/Superman, Bruce Wayne/Batman, and Indiana Jones off their list, the list also left out characters such as James T. Kirk, Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Bruce Banner/The Hulk, Rocky Balboa, William Adama, Neo, Michael Scott, Yoda, Spock, Freddy Krueger, Jack Shepherd, Jean-Luc Picard, Optimus Prime, Rambo, Brisco County, Jr., Frodo Baggins, James "Sawyer" Ford, Aragorn, Data, Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader, Tommy Gavin, Al Bundy, Logan/Wolverine, President Josiah Bartlet, Crow T. Robot, Robin Hood, Speed Racer, James Bond, Tom Servo, Daisy Duke, Seven of Nine, Adrian Monk and many, many more. Only half of the characters deserved to be on that list.

I am also sad to see that both Gary Coleman and Dennis Hopper have passed away. I hope they find peace in the afterlife. At least their legacy will continue to live on and be enjoyed by future generations as well.

Well, I better call it a night soon. I have a big day of nothing tomorrow! :-P Take care everyone and have a great day! :)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Cough Drops

Okay, it's me again. I usually have a long introduction about now but I thought I should just cut to the chase with this blog post. And the chase that I am cutting to isn't Chevy (the actor, not the Chevrolet nickname), it's the fact that the makers of cough drops hate their customers.

Seriously folks, I freaking hate the taste of most cough drops. I think Halls is about the only brand that makes cough drops that taste alright. Okay, the problem here is that the other day I ran out of Halls cough drops and all I had around the house was Meijer brand "strawberry" cough drops. The problem is that those cough drops didn't even remotely taste like strawberries. No, it tasted more like raw old fish. Now, I understand that cough drops can't always taste good because if they tasted too good, they probably wouldn't be too effective. Still, why lie and say it is strawberry flavored when it is old fish flavored. You know, it might actually taste like sweaty arm pits now that I think about it. Talk about false advertising.

Well, I better get going so I get pop some more delicious cough drops. Take care everyone and be safe!